A time to be generous

Is it better to give than to receive? During Chinese New Year, the act of giving and receiving gifts is an art form.

WHEN it comes to gift-giving or soong lai during the Chinese New year season, most of us take it for granted and don’t give it that much thought. As long as there are the customary kum or Mandarin oranges in addition to other goodies in the gift bag, all should be well.

But this is where we are wrong. The older generation would be the first to tell you that there is an art to soong lai. Careful consideration must be given to the the items that make up the gift hamper or bag. You must consider the status of the receiver, for example, if it is the mother-in-law or someone of the older generation. Ideally, you should also know the receiver’s likes and dislikes and the significance of each item based on its value, what it symbolises or simply how the words sound.

Retired teacher Ho Soon Theam, who is in her 50s, takes great pains in putting the items together for soong lai as the gift reflects the giver too.

Even the number of items is important: eight is a good number as it signifies luck, nine denotes long life while 10 implies perfection.

Prepack hampers at Carrefour: When packing for soong lai, consider having eight items as 8 is a number that signifies good luck. 9 is also looked at positively as it denotes long life, while 10 denotes perfection

“Never settle for a count of four as it sounds like sei, as in ‘die’. Likewise, bookworms beware and not bring along books during pai leen (visits during new year) as the Chinese word for book, shee, sounds like ‘lose’ and is therefore not a positive element,” says Ho.

What goes into a goodie bag should also reflect the auspicious occasion.

She adds that the best is the gift of a box of Mandarin oranges as it denotes a chest of gold, which is symbolic in wishing the recipient much wealth in the coming year.

For close relatives, Ho advises against skimping. “Give the best such as bird’s nest, abalone and Chinese mushrooms which symbolise the arrival of many good opportunities throughout the year,” she says.

In the old days, it was also not uncommon to receive gifts of live chickens from close family members to signify togetherness.

Ho also recalls how daughters would present their parents with brandy to show filial piety, the reason being that it is an expensive item.

In the end, the best practice is to have sound knowledge of the recipient’s favourite preferences to make up the ideal goodie bag.

What you put into the bag for soong lai can also reveal your character, she says. recalling an incident when she was mistakenly given a box of half eaten roast duck. It turned out that her friend had bought two boxes, one for her own family’s consumption. But in the bustle of the season she had grabbed the wrong box! Though Ho kept mum, her friend realised the mistake and insisted on giving her a replacement despite repeated pleas on Ho’s part that there was no need to.

“Let’s say you find a mouldy orange among the soong lai items; don’t make a fuss. After all how much does a Mandarin cost? If you do, you may just shame the giver and though she is obliged to apologise and give you a new one, it may give the impression that you are calculating and petty,” reasons Ho.

She is such a stickler for the art of soong lai that her daughter has found it hard not to follow in her footsteps, agonising over what to put into the gift bag for her mother-in-law.

“Once, I was falling asleep and suddenly I thought of something that I had forgotten to put in,” says Ho’s daughter, who declines to be named, with laugh.

For close relatives, Ho advises giving the best such as bird’s nest, abalone and Chinese mushrooms

Rose Lim, 80, is another person who says that to pai leen during Chinese New Year without a goodie bag in tow is abominable. It is an absolute no-no to this former ICI dealer who used to spend no less than RM10,000 on hampers for her clients and suppliers in the days when her business was running full swing.

“How can one think of not giving anything to family and friends during Chinese New Year? It shows that one has no idea how to sek chou (know the proper thing to do). If you have no sense of what is proper, then others may see you as uncaring and may not want to do business with you. It is about believing that what goes around comes around,” says Lim, a mother of three.

The rule of thumb on soong lai for business associates and staff, she shares, is dependent on the volume of transactions over the year.

As a rule, the client who has placed the most orders should be rewarded with the biggest hamper. It is also important to remember the people who have helped you even though their contributions may be small. In such cases, even a small monetary gesture in the form of an ang pau or even a few Mandarin oranges can speak volumes.

The last word on soong lai, says Kelly Toh, 52, a mother of four grown sons, is not just about the simple act of buying gifts.

“What is more important is the sense of filial piety, the sense of respect on the part of the younger generation towards the elders. If a son or daughter has not accorded his or her parents the proper respect, then even the biggest and most expensive hamper will not make amends for this wrong. In fact, you’d be lucky if it is not thrown back at you,” Toh says.

Published in The Star on the 7th of February 2010.